So I finally got around to watching the new Star Wars movie. I suffered a short term case of multiple personality syndrome while I watched it. My psyche split off into two separate consciousnesses. One was a childlike being filled with wonder and awe, he was excited by all the bright and shiny things and seeing old familiar faces and ships. This wild eyed boy was nearly hopping out of his seat at the prospect of flying an X-wing down a a trench to blow up another big bad thing. The other consciousness was that of a middle aged technocrat with a dual degree in accounting and political science. This being was flabbergasted at just how little sense the spectacle he was watching made and repeatedly wanted to tell his wife so.
So SPOILER ALERT, the Empire lost I guess, I mean they were suppose to have lost, though they look to be in better shape then they were before they lost. They regroup at the fringes of the Galaxy and I guess elect a new supreme ultimate evil leader? Oh and they change their name to the “FIRST ORDER.” They begin to build an even more audacious SUPER WEAPON, instead of a lowly Death Star they build a STAR KILLER BASE, a planet capable of shooting planet destroying rays through hyperspace, all the way across the galaxy.
Meanwhile our heroes are off trying to rebuild the New Republic I guess and they have a kid who turns out to be really evil, uncle Luke must of really screwed up? Luke apparently spends all his time out searching for ancient Jedi crap, and Han and Leia both regress. Han becomes a smuggler again and Leia decides to lead another resistance. Meanwhile everyone in the New Republic just kind of hangs out and ignores all the rampant slavery and economic disparity in the galaxy. They also ignore that the remnants of their old enemy are busy building a STAR KILLER BASE on the edge of Galaxy, leaving Leia and her handful of hotshot pilots to deal with it.
So that’s the setup? It left me with alot of unanswered questions. Sure I could see the NEW SUPREME LEADER saying, “Guys what we really need is an even bigger Death Star,” but surely some mid level manager would sheepishly raise his hand and say, “Umm Does Another Death Star Make Economic Sense Your Highness? The last two have been destroyed by a rather insignificant military force, perhaps we should focus on rebuilding our economy and…” I guess at the point the NEW SUPREME LEADER crushed his windpipe. But seriously they’ve been defeated twice, and are now on the edge of the galaxy, surely there would be logistic issues in building another Death Star, like where are they are going to find enough certified space welders, and how about the supply chain for all the high tech parts they’re going to need. Where can one find “hypermater flux conductors” on the Galactic Rim.
But they build the damn thing and apparently they used it to destroy the “NEW REPUBLIC HOMEWORLD” I guess. I mean it wasn’t exactly clear, some red beams shot across the sky from somewhere and blew up a planet and then some fancy looking people died. So the bad guys blow up a planet and then are about to blow up another planet as soon as they can suck the entire contents of a sun into their “STAR KILLER BASE” to recharge it. Umm, doesn’t a star contain like a zillion times more mass then a planet? Well anyway, the New Republic just totally poops it’s pants, I mean it can’t even dispatch a single capital ship or wing of fighters out to where ever this “STAR KILLER BASE” is located. No, the only ones who stand a chance of beating the planet are Leia’s resistance who send a handful of X-wings out to fight a planet. And of course they win thanks to our new brave heroes.
So the grown up me thought the movie was dumb, the child me had a blast. The grown up me appreciates how difficult a line JJ Abrams had to walk in writing this. His mission was to remake Star Wars, without making it exactly like the original but making it more or less the original. He doesn’t really have time for much dialouge to explain things because there must be an action beat every 10 minutes or the kids raised on Spongebob will get bored and wander out of the theater into traffic. I’m sure there could have been a movie that made both the child Matt and Adult Matt happy but this wasn’t it.
Maybe Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back part 2 will make us both happy.